Saturday, May 30, 2015

Where are you God, Part 2?

First off, let me start by saying thank you to those who took the time to comment, facebook message me or text.  I really appreciated it.

There's one thing I didn't mention on my last blog post because we didn't know for sure and now we do and my mind's in a while once again and I want to say, "Really God? Don't we have enough right now?" But I guess not and it hurts so deep and so raw and how do you grieve one more thing.

But yes, it's true: my oldest sister has officially been diagnosed with breast cancer. I'm not going into a lot of details on this blog, likely never will for two reasons: one, we don't know much yet and two it's her story to tell. But I will beg and plead for prayers for her that she could be healed and for her husband, her children, her siblings, and her mom as we try to make sense of the "evil" that has invaded our family and as we try to figure out how best to help and I don't even know how to request prayer for this, just pray. I just think of her children and yes, I know some of them will read this, but I think of you, my nieces and nephews as you grieve the loss of grandpa and now try to grasp the fact that your mom is sick. My heart breaks all over again.

So there you have it: the whole awful Mast saga of the last few weeks.  As my niece so aptly said, "If only I could go back to being 17 again." This sequence of events seemed to start on her 18th birthday with Dad's surgery. Yes, I know God was in control and He knew all this, but I have wished so many times that we could just roll back the tapes to April 27 and redo things and have Cheryl and Bentley and Dad with us and have this awful cancer diagnosis somewhere in outer space never to touch our family.

I did read something this morning in my daily devotional book. I'm behind, but the date would have been May 28 and the title is "Impossibilities"  "The same is true for you whenever you experience the overwhelming storms of life. Though they rise unexpectedly, there is no reason to fear, because the Lord is with you. When you place your trust in him, he will provide the protection you need to get through every trial--even the kind that seems impossible."

I do want to hold on to God during this time, but I will be honest--I think it's Him holding on to me because my grip has lost its grasp and the will to hang on is there, but the strength and energy is gone.

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