Saturday, November 19, 2011

The Big Hunt

And it has arrived. The day we lived the whole year for. What is that day you ask? Why it is opening hunting season--the day all the men troop to the woods to sit around in tree stands, hunkered against the cold, waiting for that elusive buck to come across their path within shooting range. (Okay, you can breathe now) It is also the day for all the hunting "widows" to grab their purse and car keys and head off to town for a big day of shopping. (Which I am hoping will mean lots of sales from ladies with well-laden purses.)

We get up at 5:00, put on a pot of coffee that when drank (or is it drunk) curls around inside your stomach because it is no longer a liquid it is so strong. Then we gather together all the clothes we can find, and put piles of food in the back pack, grab our coffee, water jug, and gun and we are off to the woods. Now, most people maybe wouldn't take food, because, of course, the deer could smell it and then all your grand plans of shooting the big one would be thwarted. But in our house, there is a distinct advantage--we have a treehouse from which to hunt. This is situated about 30 feet or so (I have no sense of distance-it could be 10, it could be 100 feet) from the ground, fully enclosed, windows on four sides, a heater (but you daresn't run it more than necessary because you might scare the deer), a chair and so on. It really is a hunter's paradise.

Do I go out and join in the mighty hunt? I have, but I will be honest. I make a poor hunting companion. I went out one opening hunting morning because I am a good, supportive wife and I was a grump. I know I was and for that I feel bad. I would try to do better if I repeated the process. It was early--I was tired--I was cold. So I curled up on the floor in a sleeping bag and grumbled and wanted the heater on and got cold and probably wanted to talk and was shushed repeatedly. I did go out on another occasion when it was light and I could see and I think I did a little better that time. Will I go out this year? I plan to, after the initial thrill is off and I no longer have to wash my clothes in special soap and dry them with nature's fabric softener, etc. etc.

Why did I not go out this morning? Because I have plans today. I am planning to go and pick the pockets of all those hunting widows who are coming to town to shop. I am participating in a craft show in town and I am hoping to sell lots of things. Now, I have practical things to sell, like baby blankets and dishcloths and dish scrubbies, etc. I am going armed with date balls (No, I didn't send any with the guys because I wanted them for myself or for my friend who told me if D ate them all she wouldn't make him any PB snowballs, so I have been guarding them with threats and fists because I want some PB snowballs), cheese and crackers and deer meat and morning glory muffins, and cookies and so on and on.

And so I wish the mighty hunters great success. I hope my nephew is as tough as he thinks he is and that he doesn't freeze going with such few clothes on and I hope they shoot the mighty buck. Come on guys, I want to try making some lebanon bologna. And I pray their safety. Guns and hunting season can be a little nerve wracking, though they are hunting on private property and I am really not worried about them--only the irresponsible people surrounding them or the people that have been enjoying the road shoot this year already.

And to you all, Have a great day. I'll be back later to post pics of the big buck.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Reasons to Get Married when you Older

Actually, I only have one reason, but it is important to me at least.

The top reason that I can think to wait until you are 26 to get married and then even longer to have children is this:

SO THAT TIME AND NATURE WORK AGAINST ME TO PREVENT ME FROM HAVING 15 BIOLOGICAL CHILDREN.

So there you have it--the number 1 reason to marry later in life. This week, at the clinic, a lady gave birth to her 15th child. What else you need to know is this: she is only 39, she could easily have 4-5 more children.

Ok, let's face it, I can't imagine having 1 child, let alone 6, let alone 15. It's just daunting to me. Now, if I could suffer for the short amount of time that she really suffered, I may be more tempted to attempt it, but then visions of 2 hours of hard work and I am frozen again and the adoption papers come back out. Oh wait, I don't actually have adoption papers, though I have been asked if we are considering adoption.

Now, I can also name other reasons to wait until you are older to get married--maturity definitely being one of them. And independence and travel ability and independence and freedom and so on and so on.

Now this does all sound like I hate being married. That is so NOT true, not even remotely, but when we are honest, we admit that we kind of miss the single life sometime. That freedom to come and go as you please, when you please, for as long as you please is quite nice. Now, I know there will be people on the other end of this spectrum saying that that is the exact reason you should get married younger so that you have never had independence and therefore never miss it. I suppose you could argue that, but I wouldn't want to give up my years as a single. Good times were had by all.

What all has been going on in our lives you wonder? Or maybe you don't wonder, but that's too bad, you are getting filled in anyway. I did go back and help with chores and I did learn to crawl through that cement window with an element of ease. But now, I have a door that I can just open and up and walk through to get from one side of the barn to the other. Much nicer. I did chores tonight by myself and the poor heifers had had a dehorning procedure today and some of them looked so sad--all bloody and stuff. Could someone please explain to me why female bovines grow horns? I don't get it. Just checking to see if anyone else knows. I was able to dump the milk replacer into the big mixer with some small difficulty, but it got done and I don't think I spilled any. But I wouldn't have wanted anyone watching either, because I'm pretty sure it was painful looking.

We babysat the niece and nephew this last weekend. That was highly entertaining. The 6 year old tried to be quite proficient with chores. He would bustle into the milk room and look at the computer and then go back out. Pretty soon he would be back in hollering a calf number and going to computer and looking and deciding if that particular calf was doing okay. It was hilarious. The niece wanted to adopt her own friendly calves. I texted the father her desire and mentioned that he could put in a calf feeder for her. There was no consideration given to the young girl's request--it was flatly turned down.

Just found out that our plan of being done doing chores has been postponed until further notice. Dave's cousin is back in the hospital and will most likely be having surgery. While there is a part of me that wants to really growl and complain about this and say, "But I'm tired of doing chores, etc. etc." The other part of me just wants to say, "Thank you Lord for good health. Praise the Lord that I can do chores. I will do chores every day for years to be in good health." So I will try to cheerfully do chores and thank the Lord that he has given us good health.

There are more things to write about: like why do some people go alternative medicine all the way even as they watch their life and for sure their quality of life slowly ebb away?

It's nervewracking to do an EKG with a lady in the room that does 60-70 EKG's a day.

What do you think it means when the nurse tells you to put your urine sample on the back of the toilet? Ta Da. It means put your urine sample on the back of the toilet. It does NOT mean bring it with you out to the checkout counter and then set it down by some papers while asking casually, "Is it okay to set it here?" No it is absolutely NOT okay to set it there, but go ahead because we are nice people and we will calmly take it from there and then we will disinfect the whole counter top and shake our heads in disbelief that you would do such a thing. And oh, by the way, it also doesn't mean that you should take it back to the room with you either. The Dr. doesn't want it any more than the secretary wants it. The nurse is the only one that wants and the only place she wants to get it from is the back of the toilet. Thank you for your attention to these details.

I'm also not sure it is proper etiquette to ask the nurse how old she is? And then comes the tried and true questions: Are you married? Then "do you have a family?" The next time I get asked this last question, I think I am going to answer Yes. If they ask how many children, which they will, I will then say, None, but I have a mom and dad, a wonderful husband, two dogs, 50 steers and probably some mice. Yes, we are one big happy family. Thank you for checking. Okay, I probably will not say that, but I would be tempted. There is always just such an awkward silence after the "Do you have a family or children" question.

Why is that dryers do not dry as fast as washers wash?

These Healing Hills by Ann Gabhart

Set in Kentucky in the Appalachian Mountains during the time of the Frontier Nursing Service and the end of World War II comes a story tha...