Sunday, May 18, 2014

Happy Mother's Day a week late

Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful mothers out there.  Yes, I know it is a week late, but that's okay--this is my blog and I can do what I want when I want to on it.

Was it a Happy Mother's Day for me?  The week before was more appropriate.  Did you know that the Sunday before, May 4, was Bereaved Mother's Day?  Appropriate, I think.

I didn't answer the question did I?  It's a tough question to answer--May 11 was the day I had been looking forward to it with great anticipation since September sometime.  It was extra cool that it was going to be on Mother's Day, but Mother's Day was just the side benefit.  Then January 13 came and with it came the dread of Mother's Day and the dread of May 11.  Now, it was a day to look ahead to with dread--the weeks were counted, the tears were shed and finally it was here.

We left for the weekend--just went away and hid.  Call me a coward if you want, but, quite frankly, I wasn't about to risk hearing a Happy Mother's Day message or even hearing anyone say it to my face or to my friends' face.  It was a nice weekend, but very bittersweet.

People were amazing--when we got to our new house Friday night, there was a lovely bouquet of stargazer lilies, an azalea, a miniature rose, and a lily of the flower flower.  There was also a basket of goodies and a gift card to take along on our getaway. There was a solar angel too that I can't wait to put outside (I have a total of three of them now)

I hesitate to even name all the gifts and thoughtfulness we received for fear I will miss something, but here's a brief listing

A beautiful plant and a dipped in wax teddy bear on a rocking chair with a note that says it is in memory of Nicole.  This came from a lovely new friend I just made before we moved who had lost their little girl almost 3 years ago.

There was a canvas frame, gladiolus bulbs, lily bulbs, a candle, a solar angel and for dad, chocolate and jerky from a friend who lost her son over a year ago.  I may have forgotten something she gave.

A rose from one and a gerbera daisy from another; flowers and Shari's berries came together on Fed Ex from two other friends.  There was a beautiful Miss You Willow tree and an N key chain that is on my keys from another friend.  There were text messages and tears and cards and emails and maybe something I missed and with each one, my heart was so grateful while crying out "No, No, No."

Please, don't ever underestimate the power of kindness--it is simple, but so easy to overlook.  Ask me, I have done it.  I want to do better, but I know I will still fail.  You may think--why bother?  Surely someone will remember them.  Yes, someone may, but this is a sad time, a grieving time and every thought that is given is so meaningful and precious.

Don't just think of people like me who are grieving the loss of their only children--remember those who still have children.  They feel the missing "links in the family chain" so keenly.  Think of those who are waiting for children.  They feel the hole in their heart so strongly and they are waiting for the day when God brings a baby into their lives.  They feel the pain of Mother's Day too and they may feel it extra much because people forget about them while caring for those with the "more visible" loss.  It's all visible to those of us going through it.  It all hurts so deeply.

Yes, I think it is appropriate to have a Bereaved Mother's Day and I think there should be a section of cards devoted to this day.  Mothers need a chance to grieve their losses and then maybe the joy will be greater on Mother's Day for those who can celebrate their gifts.

I don't know what I am trying to say exactly--I'm not even sure what I feel exactly.  I just know it hurts and to know that people remember and people care helps us carry the hurt one more day.


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