Gravel Road Musings

  The Power of Reading Aloud to Overcome Fear and Recapture Joy I'm interested in any book that talks about books. I can spend as much time reading about books as I can actually reading books. So, I really enjoyed this book. Jennifer explained well what I have tried to do in my own reading life, though I think she does a much better job of it than I do. There are so many opinions out there of what books you should read or what books are helpful, etc and my goal is to learn something from every book I read. Do I always accomplish this? No, I don't and some books do seem to be pure fluff, but most books can teach you something.  Jennifer showed how different books she was reading aloud to her children helped her in an area of her life where she was very fearful. For example, reading The Railway Children helped her to realize that, even in the midst of hard things, by living for a greater purpose and living with a clear vision can help to overcome the fear of expectations and str...

  Finding God's Good Gifts in Motherhood First off, is that not a beautiful cover? I think the cover drew me into the book and now I would tell every mom I know to go read the book. It was so good. I do know that part of the reason it really resonated with me is that we are doing a Fruits of Spirit Bible Study right now and the good gifts that Laura is talking about are the Fruits of the Spirit, so there was definitely a connection for me.  The first thing that hit me and has really helped me since I read the book was to reframe my to-do list. What if instead of looking at all the things I have to do in a day for my family, I looked at these same things as get-tos. I get to make breakfast for my family. I get to wash their dishes. I get to do the school run. Talk about a game changer. Things you get to do are things that are fun and exciting and you look forward to them. Things you have to do can be faced with drudgery and a bad attitude.  Another thing Laura brought out ...

  Five Keys to Helping Your Kids Connect Well With Others As I started reading the book, I wasn't immediately drawn in. It felt like a lot of time was taken writing about what they were gonna write about and where to go get more resources. But once they got into the five keys, I found it helpful and good to read about. In all honesty, a lot of the information shared would be things that I already work at every day. Did I need reminding? Yes, yes I did. I am not always the intentional mom I would like to be.  Attachment, resilience, wise decisions, etc comprise the five keys to relational intelligence. At this point, teaching resilience when told no is the biggest hurdle in this household and it's one I have been working on more intentionally since reading this book.  I think my biggest takeaway from this book would be to continue to be intentional with my children and to guard their use of technology. Make sure they know how to hold face-to-fact conversations and have lea...

  Making prayer the first and best response to motherhood.  This is the second book of Brooke's that I have read and it was every bit as good as the first. It took me a bit to get into it, but that was due in part to it not being a great book to read when you are really tired. But once I had time and energy, the book was super good and just what I needed to kick start me back into working on being an intentional mom.  Brooke attacks some of the common excuses and challenges that she hears from moms that are preventing them from praying. Excuses like I don't know if my prayers really matter or I don't know what to pray and others. I don't have to wait until I have all my ducks in a row to pray and Brooke does a good job of showing you that. I think one of the most powerful things for me in reading this book was the way she prays the Bible. She will take a Bible verse and just pray it back to God as it pertains to a circumstance she is facing. It really makes the Scriptur...

  I like Crystal Paine and I follow her on Instagram, but when I saw she wrote a parenting book, I will admit I raised my eyebrows a bit. Her kids are still in their early teens, what does she know about parenting? But then I read the book and I was hooked from the first chapter on.  The first couple chapters are so much deeper than parenting. They hit on the core of who we are as humans and on how we will live based on our beliefs. If I could describe in two words the premise of the book, I would say, "Live Loved".  Before we can be love-centered parents, we must first believe that we are loved, that God loves us and it is out of that love that we can love others.  "You can't give what you don't have. You can't love your kids well if you don't believe you are fully loved yourself." "Love-centered parenting is about wholeheartedly loving our kids because we know how much we are wholeheartedly loved by God."  Love-centered parenting isn'...

  Mother's Day.  Two simple words that I am sure invoke images of something for everyone of you. There are things that we expect on Mother's Day. We expect flowers or some form of gift. We expect all our chores to be done. We expect the Internet to explode with mother and children pictures, all dressed nicely and all smiling happily. That's the happy expectations of Mother's Day. But for others, Mother's Day is no different from any other day-nobody notices the sacrifices they make every day. Nobody acknowledges their sleepless night and long days. Nobody seemingly cares about them as a mom. And then there are still others for whom Mother's Day invokes sadness. On this day, they are once again reminded that their arms are empty or their children have walked away from their love or there is some other reminder of pain on that day. Mother's Day has meant numerous things to me through the years. Eight years ago, Mother's Day was more of a hidden grief known...

  The day meanders along at a frighteningly slow pace. There are a multitude of fights to settle, disputes to solve, and squabbles to calm. My patience left at 8:00 and now at 10:00, my reserve is depleted, my attitude sour and my mind a whirl. Will lunch and naptime ever come? Why am I feeling like this? What is wrong with me that I cannot stay calm and happy for one morning?  The morning started out good, quiet time until 7, get ready in peace, and oh it was a glorious day. And then the children woke up and it all went downhill. An unexpected errand that needed to be run, pee that didn't land in the toilet, a car trunk that mysteriously wouldn't open, and cookies that weren't gonna bake themselves. I called my husband to tell him my tale of woe and he instantly caught on to the bad humor that was circulating through my brain and called me out on it. He was kind, but he was right. I was frazzled and frustrated. All my good intentions had washed down the drain with the last...

 As my foot steps on to the bottom step, my mind heaves a silent sigh of relief. Naptime!! What a precious commodity, rejuvenating sleep for the littles and rejuvenating quietness and rest for the mother, something to be treasured and preserved at all costs. As I set about heating up water for a cup of tea I mentally think through how best to use this time. There are books to be read, writing to be done, creative endeavors to work on, exercising that demands all my will power and on and on the mental list grows. The water starts to whistle (or it would if the tea pot still worked properly) and I pour it over a tea bag and a bit of sugar. And then I hear it, the tell tale pitter-pat on the stairs combined with the hollered out request. I inwardly groan and listened for the wispy voice of the three-year-old: "I have to go.....dear mama." I take care of his needs, tuck him back into bed with even stricter instructions to stay there and go to sleep. My sigh is quieter and more te...

It takes a village to raise a family, they say, but then why can it feel like such a lonely job? Why am I the only one getting up in the middle of the night with the crying baby? Why am I the only one at home day in and day out wiping noses and butts and settling disputes and cleaning up yet one more mess? Where is my village? I saw a meme a few days ago that said something like, "It takes a village to raise a family, but is there like a number we call or what?"  That is very much in my own words, but it can feel like that sometimes. It can feel lonely and I can get desperate, longing for that outside help, that outside influence, that human that doesn't whine or need everything done for them.  But maybe, just maybe, I'm looking in the wrong places for my village. I'm looking in the places I expect to see it, I'm looking for it where I think it should be, but what if it's not there? What if my village is showing up in ways I never thought about, in places ...

How to Minimize Meltdowns, Reduce Conflict, and Increase Cooperation I started reading this book pretty cynically, thinking this was going to be all about talking in the right tone of voice and feeling like my child would walk all over me because I couldn't actually give consequences for bad behavior.  And if I would just talk right my children would all listen. Yes, there was definitely an emphasis on changing the way you talk to a child, but there was so much more too. Respond instead of react. Hear what they are saying. Put the phone down and give the child your full attention. Apologize if you make a mistake. Instead of just telling them to stop it and grow up, use kindness and try to understand what they are feeling. Look what's behind your own reactions. I finished this book at the beginning of a potentially hairy week. I had a good conversation with a friend about different styles of parenting and I finished this book and I tried to be more understanding with my ...

Stamp! Stamp! Stamp!  The deposit stamp clunks down on the checks as I prepare them for deposit. I can predict that I will soon hear a pattering of feet and animated requests of "Do my hand" Do me".  All because one time, for fun, I stamped the back of their cute, little hands and now every time they hear it, they come running. It's a ritual now, one I question if I should bring to an end, but....I think it will end on its own soon enough and all that will be left will be the faint memory and silent longing for those "littles" days.  So, for now, I let them run around with a stamp on their hand that says, "For deposit only --------" But the thought struck me this week as I yielded to their request: what if it really were that easy? Just a stamp and they were secure. The stamp guarantees that that check will be deposited into our church's bank account. How handy would it be if we could just stamp little pudgy hands and it would guar...

How to Recognize and Respond to Sexual Danger. "Love protects. It does not violate." "Trust is the oil that greases the gears of abuse. Without trust, most abuse could never happen."  Isn't that not an oxymoron? We think trust is what we need, when in reality most abuse happens by people we know and trust. They know how to worm their way into our families, our hearts and our children's lives and then they take advantage. This book was eye-opening, thought-provoking and downright scary. I've always been a bit terrified of one of my children being sexually abused and this book makes me want to never let my children out of sight. I am left grappling with how to take this information and make informed, conscious decisions while also not allowing it to cripple my life to the point that I am not allowing my children to grow and develop. One of the things that is stressed in this book is creating in your child a warrior heart, a heart that is brave, n...

Building Traditions that Breathe Life into Your Home "Traditions are a planned determination to remember, celebrate, and value what is important." "Traditions offer security. Traditions provide comforting memories. Traditions make life sparkle. Traditions remind us what matters. Traditions connect us to others. Traditions shower love. Traditions are worth it." I debated getting this book because it just felt like another to-do list, another reminder of how much I fail as a mom to make life fun and interesting for my children. But I'm also a sucker for books like this that are brimming with ideas and to-do lists, so I got it. Jessica has some really good things to say. She understands the busy mom who doesn't have a lot of margin in her day.  She doesn't ask every mom to go out and plan a big five-course dinner every night of the week because that is what your children will remember. She does stress the importance of food in a child's ...

 The day stretched out in front of me as I sat on the couch sipping another cup of coffee and contemplating my quiet time. Without warning, the tears started falling and my mind struggled to grasp what was going on? Why now? Why am I fighting against life now? It was going relatively smoothly and so why this uprising in my spirit? A scream punctuates the relative quiet of two children playing, "It's mine, he took my toy." I once again began my mantra, "What are you supposed to do when that happens?" "What is the right choice to make?" "You may not scream."  And the normal response came back to me, "But he started the fussing or the fight or whatever name the event was dubbed that time" And my mind wants to shut down and flee the scene. I feel ambivalent about it all. Can you guys just settle your own fights for once? Or better yet, how about you play nicely for once? There's a novel idea. An hour later, I am blissfully cl...

Someday I'm gonna be good at life. Someday I am going to update this blog with recent pictures which mean that... Someday I am going to upload my camera pics to my computer in a timely fashion. Someday I am going to catch up on all my reading and read a whole bunch of books for fun. Truthfully I'm trying that this year and I'm enjoying it, but I still have the pressure of needing to get books read to write a review about them. Someday I will laugh at myself and how easily disturbed I got over the smallest little details that didn't matter anyway. Someday I will enjoy having my children not take naps. Or will I? Someday I will be caught up on all my hobbies and I will be at a loss for what to do. Okay, I'm already laughing at that big fat lie. Someday I will love being disturbed in the middle of a project or a chapter or nothing and will gladly go run an errand for someone. Someday I will make supper without se...

How Imperfect Parens can Raise Resilient, Loving, and Wise-Hearted Kids "When we begin to accept that clumsy is the best we get - like giraffes on ice - we can begin to offer what our children really need from us: heartfelt relationship." Doesn't that turn the typical parenting book on its head? This is not a what-to-do parenting book. First, this book addresses the parents and how they need to live from their heart if they ever expect their kids to be able to do the same. Do I project my bad childhood or good childhood on to my children and try to live vicariously through them? Do I push my agenda for my children on to them even though it is not anything that they would like to do or pursue? Do I let my issues get in the way of a real relationship with my children? Are my children able to come to be about anything knowing I'm not gonna fly off the handle or totally abuse what they say? This book was challenging. One of the things that stuck out to me was the ...

Raising relational kids in a screen-driven world In an age where screen time is replacing face-to-face time, Gary and Arlene bring us the timely reminder that screens do not teach our kids common courtesies. Addressing 5 A's that children desperately need: affection, appreciation, anger management, apology, and attention, they reveal a startling new world where these things have been replaced by the screen. Nobody has time for eye contact or even common courtesies anymore. Why? Maybe because they never learned it. I didn't find this book to be so anti-screens as it was anti-what it is doing to our children if left unchecked. It's easy to use a screen as a babysitter, but what is that replacing? Is it replacing the time when you could discuss with your child their day or you could teach them some basic kitchen skills while you prepare supper together? I was reading this book one afternoon when the evening stretched out long before me and I was thinking about how I co...

I realized something this week and it's kind of bothering me. I think I'm a "No" mom. A asks me if she can do something like her water paints or play with her train, things that will make a mess or cause a fight with her brother and my reaction is "No, not now, it's too close to supper, to bed, to naptime. L will just fight with you." And on and on go my excuses. Why? I mean really, how hard would it be to let her? So I don't want to deal with the mess, but which is actually messier, cleaning up the chocolate milk that was spilled about 20 seconds after I poured it or helping her get some water so she can paint a picture? Or how about this, letting her get out the play food box that keeps both children entertained for hours versus just saying no? Let me add this, letting her get that food box out was a great decision. I was able to sew for about 2.5 hours yesterday after their naps. That's pretty much unheard of and I was so very happy and bles...

I stood there folding laundry while my chatty daughter stood beside me, peppering me with questions. Maybe not even question so much as this. "Mom?" "Yes, dear." "...." "Mommy."  "Mmhmm" I've digressed to just a mumble hoping against hope a three year old can catch a hint that I have had enough questions for the day, my brain is begging for some silence and my patience is hanging on my the merest of threads.  Then again, here it comes, "Mom?" "Yes." "Always choose joy."  Oh wow, it hits me, coming straight out of the blue like that. Yes, it is her sheep verse we call it and we have been learning it for over two weeks now, but why now? Why would she pop it off now when I am folding laundry and trying to be grateful for the extroverted daughter who doesn't understand yet the "need" her introverted mother has for silence. It's been several weeks since that episode by the dryer, but it k...

Helping Your Child through the Tough Days Sometimes when I request a book, when it comes I wonder why. This book would probably fit in that category. I think I requested it the most because it was by Dr. Leman and I have read enough of his books to know that I like them and want to keep accumulating them. And this book did not disappoint. Yes, it is geared to your hurting child and yes the average age of the children talked about was a few years older than my two, I still feel like I gained a lot of helpful information from that book. Maybe, just maybe, if I apply a few of the things I learned, I can address some of the issues now before they become big blown up and crazy when they are middle schoolers.  One of the best quotes talking about your relationship with your child is this: "And above all, focus on improving your relationship in every way possible. If your kids are safe and secure with you, they truly can overcome anything."  And that right there is my goal f...