Parenting with Heart by Stephen James and Chip Dodd

How Imperfect Parens can Raise Resilient, Loving, and Wise-Hearted Kids

"When we begin to accept that clumsy is the best we get - like giraffes on ice - we can begin to offer what our children really need from us: heartfelt relationship."

Doesn't that turn the typical parenting book on its head? This is not a what-to-do parenting book. First, this book addresses the parents and how they need to live from their heart if they ever expect their kids to be able to do the same. Do I project my bad childhood or good childhood on to my children and try to live vicariously through them? Do I push my agenda for my children on to them even though it is not anything that they would like to do or pursue? Do I let my issues get in the way of a real relationship with my children? Are my children able to come to be about anything knowing I'm not gonna fly off the handle or totally abuse what they say?

This book was challenging. One of the things that stuck out to me was the thing of questions and living with those questions, recognizing there are no answers, but allowing them to live in our minds and affect us and learning to ask open-ended questions of others. "Good questions can carry us for years, while answers can often lead to dead ends... Our questions lead us to God, and we simply cannot live this life well without dependence on God."

Being real and being with our children is a gift we can give them. "The most authentic gift we can give our children is the offering of our presence to ensure that they are not alone in their pain." I can't shield them from pain, but I can walk with them through it, not handing out pat answers, but being willing to listen to their questions.

We all have regrets about the ways we have or have not parented. My oldest is only four and I know I have blown it so many times already. A quote that stuck out to me in this book and brought me comfort was this: "To have sadness and regret about your past with your children means you care. The sadness tells you that you value what you no longer have. If your kids are out of diapers, look at some pictures of them from years ago. you can't get that time back. It's gone. If that is sad to you, then you know you were there and someone and/or something mattered to you." This was so good because I do have regrets. I love my kids and I love that they are getting older and a bit more independent, but I also look back and I miss that cuddly newborn stage and to be able to recognize that that is good, that means I was there and I did love them and they did matter to me, that is encouraging and something I want to hold on to especially on the days when it's all chaos.

I really appreciated this book. It's one I want to reread again when my children are a bit older and possibly reread a few times. I recommend it if you are looking to raise children who really want to live life and live it fully.

I received this book from Revell and was not required to write a positive review.