When Your Kid is Hurting by Dr. Kevin Leman

Helping Your Child through the Tough Days

Sometimes when I request a book, when it comes I wonder why. This book would probably fit in that category. I think I requested it the most because it was by Dr. Leman and I have read enough of his books to know that I like them and want to keep accumulating them. And this book did not disappoint.

Yes, it is geared to your hurting child and yes the average age of the children talked about was a few years older than my two, I still feel like I gained a lot of helpful information from that book. Maybe, just maybe, if I apply a few of the things I learned, I can address some of the issues now before they become big blown up and crazy when they are middle schoolers. 

One of the best quotes talking about your relationship with your child is this: "And above all, focus on improving your relationship in every way possible. If your kids are safe and secure with you, they truly can overcome anything."  And that right there is my goal for the next 25 years and counting. I want my kids to feel safe with me, able to tell me anything and not fear me flipping out on them. I know this can only be done with the help of Jesus and He is the One I want to rely on.

Another takeaway from this book that I think is really important is to respond, rather than react. Immediately siding with your child about how mean the other child was isn't going to accomplish anything, neither are the plans you are making in your brain to get back at the mean child. Your child needs empathy and a listening ear as they seek to come to their own solution to the problem. That was another thing that struck me was teaching your child to stand strong, to find their own solutions, and to look the offender in the eye when they are facing a mean kid at school. "The wise parent keeps herself in the background and her child in the foreground of problem solving."  But if there is physical danger or abuse involved, then Dr. Leman is all hands on deck to take care of the problem, both so more children are not endangered, but also so that your child knows you believe them.

Dr. Leman lists the five top to-dos for parents.
1. Tell the truth in love.
2. Acknowledge that life isn't always fair or just.
3. Balance your protective instinct with preparing your child for life on their own.
4. Don't promote the victim mentality.
5. Approach all life lessons as a learning experience.

There were a lot of good things in this book and I can see coming back to it in a few years for in-the-moment advice.

I received this book from Revell and was not required to write a positive review.