Randomness

My mind has been rolling over the last 24 hours. We are almost done with 2015 and what have I accomplished? I, all of a sudden, feel driven to do something, to be the wonder woman who is scheduled and organized and calm and cheerful about it all. How do I do that?

I ran across the idea yesterday again of having a word for the year: a word to focus on and try to live after. I keep thinking about what that word should be for me and if I'm committed enough to do it. On top of that, there are so many things I feel I should be focusing on and trying to do better in that one word feels insufficient. There's the word joy, but doesn't everyone want that. What about gratitude? Well, yeah, it's good to be thankful. Love? Ouch, I need that, but a whole year? Rest? That seems to be a driving force to a new group of thinkers out there and I'm not sure I agree, so don't know if I want to go there. Don't get me wrong. Rest is good, but not if comes at the expense of relationships and family and even finances. Rest is not good if it means protecting myself at the expense of others. Anyway, enough on that. Beauty? Well, again that seems to be a hitch to ride on as well, to be beautiful and attractive and etc. etc. My thoughts behind that word would have nothing to do with me and my physical looks. The challenger in me would like to pick that word to show people that there is so much more to beauty than looking attractive, but I'm sure they realize that too, if they are honest with themselves. 

I realized today that in the next month, we will have the 3rd birthday of my miscarriage and the 2nd birthday of Nicole. In the last 3 years, I have lost at least 4 people precious to me: two children, a dad, and a good friend. I have felt loose-ended and irritable a lot of those three years. I have been selfish and self-centered with brief relapses out into the world. I have been difficult to get along with, I know. My man has been very patient with me. I'm trying, but right now, I'm not doing that great at it. I let little things bug me. I don't know why I'm not into Christmas this year, but I'm not. So I don't go to the cookie exchange, I'm not making a single batch of Christmas cookies. I did decorate and enjoyed it and surprised myself a little. I have played a few Christmas carols, but haven't dug out the Christmas CD's. I did get Christmas presents taken care of.  And I am sitting here caught up on my list of things I wanted to get done in December. I have one or two things left on my list and that makes me happy. But I feel a need for focus, a need for some goals, a need for self-discipline. I don't like to hole away in my little world. I like people, I really do. Yes, they tire me out sometimes and sometimes with a baby who doesn't always nap the best away from home, gatherings are just not worth it, but there are other ways I can reach out and I want to. 

So I said all this to say this, I want to have focus and purpose this year, but I also need to work on being flexible and caring. Flexible, maybe that should be the word. We all know I need help in that. I'm not sure what the word will be, but whatever it is, I plan to have a few blog posts that follow that word throughout the year. 

Things like this excite me. I love goals and planning schedules and etc. etc. Now, if only I could do as good at following through on them, we would be all set to go. 

But enough of that, how about some cuteness for your day and then a little project that I did for Amber's Christmas. 

You were working here Mom? Really? But don't I just need to be here too? I like to help you work. 

 Hat lady.

And lastly a board book of Amber's Family that doesn't live around here.

We started with this

And ended with this. I'm quite happy with it except it doesn't lay nice and closed because of the extra space the pictures take up, but I don't think Amber is going to care. I modge podged over the pictures too to give them a little more authenticity and to protect them a little more.