Wednesday, December 31, 2014

The End of 2014

What is it about December 31 that seems to bring about a sense of reflection and nostalgia?  We spend it thinking back over the year-- the good and the bad, the memories, the joys and sorrows, the changes.  Bloggers post their most popular posts or do a recap on their year; companies start pulling out the end of year paperwork and getting it ready for the tax man. Retail stores gather the troops and start doing inventory--something I am very sad to miss this year.  (Call me crazy, but I love doing inventory. My last job, inventory didn't take long, but it was so much fun while it lasted.  Plus after I came up with this cool little spreadsheet, I felt all sophisticated about it too.  Please note, I am not the most up to date on technology and spreadsheets and other such things, so this was a big accomplishment for me.)  Anyway, back to December 31.  Then after all this has been done, people get together in the evening to party and toast the New Year in--some with good old sparkling grape juice in crystal goblets, others with much more potent drinks that then leave them incapacitated for a better part of the first day of the New Year.

Then the clock tick tocks it's way past midnight and magically it is January 1 of a brand-new year and there's a shift in the thinking.  Instead of pondering and remembering the past, there is a looking ahead to the future. (I was even listening on Sunday at church-- I at least remember the pondering point and there was a purpose point too and one other one which is eluding me at the moment!!)  But on January 1, people start listing their New Year's resolutions; they start thinking about their goals and ideals and dreams and what they want to accomplish in the New Year.  It feels like a clean slate, a new chance, a make over, if you will. It feels fresh and new and clean and you feel invigorated, energized and ready to make your mark on the world.  Am I making New Year's Resolutions this year?  I guess you will have to come back tomorrow to find out.  I am not promising to post tomorrow--I just might IF I make some New Year's Resolutions or decide to share some of my hopes and dreams and goals for 2015.

Now, what reflecting have I done as I think back over 2014?  In the interest of full disclosure, I can't say that I have done much.  Last night it kind of hit me that tomorrow, now today, was December 31 and the next day would be January 1 and I/we had no plans in place to celebrate.  I had my agenda in my head (yes, even on limited activity I have an agenda, a rather scheduled agenda if I may say so, that I might follow rather loosely as it can get interrupted) and I had no plans to do something special on New Year's day.  I have even been planning to do bookwork on New Year's Day, which now that I think about it, is sounding perfectly awful.  But back to reflecting.....

This year has probably been the hardest year of my life to date.  It started rather viciously with the birth and death of Nicole and in many ways that has defined my life, my year.  However, I think I can say that it has made me a better person.  I like to think it has made me more sympathetic to the fears and griefs of others. I'm certainly not perfect in this; I have an address of an Amish couple who lost their baby a year ago this month and I still have not written to them and honestly, I don't know if I will.  Going through grief does not give you the magical words so that you know what to say to the next person who is grieving.  I can wax "eloquent" at times, yes, but then feel like maybe what I had to say meant nothing to that person because we all grieve differently and different things mean different things to different people.  I know, that was profound wasn't it? But I like to think I have grown through this year, if in no other way than to give people the space they need to grieve as they need to grieve.  Everybody grieves in their own way and there is no right or wrong way-- of that I am convinced.  I suppose we could branch out into the realm of unhealthy, prolonged grieving, but that is a topic I don't want to touch, though I would imagine there are those out there who think I have landed in that category myself. I'm not going there!!!

This year has also had some positives in it.  D has a great job that he mostly likes.  I'm not sure today when it is 10 below zero and possibly windy and he's sitting up on his loader that he's real fond of it, but all in all I think he enjoys it and it has certainly been a blessing to us.  I have been blessed with a few different fun jobs: going to market, working at a bulk food store, doing some bookwork, doing some transcription work.  Those are paying jobs, but then the fun of sewing and scrapbooking and even cooking.  I'm not adding cleaning to the list of fun jobs, but it feels good to me when it is done.

And the most positive thing about this year is that it is December 31 and I am still pregnant.  I'm not going to go into this with much detail, because I just talked about it in my last post, but it is a blessing that I am trying to treasure.

What about you?  What have been your highs and your lows this year of 2014?  What are the best memories? What was your biggest accomplishment?  What big fears have you had to face and did you overcome them?  I would love to hear about them.

And maybe I will be back tomorrow with a few resolutions or goals for 2015.  No promises though.

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