Intentional Living
But seriously, it is something that haunts my days, that I think about in the still of the house when both children are napping, when I read books that talk about intentional parenting, when I stop and consider how quickly my three year old is becoming more preschool than toddler and how my baby is not so infant anymore. And it does haunt me. I like to see production, I like to see visible results that my day accomplished something. I thought about that yesterday when my three-year-old was exhibiting characteristics that left me feeling like I had taught her nothing. And I stopped and thought a bit. Hmm. Monday, I was desperately cutting and sewing her a dress as a sample. Tuesday, I was at my mom's desperately cutting and sewing more dresses for upcoming wedding. Wednesday, I was trying to put a house back together and putting in these crazy little tuck thingies in my sleeves for above-mentioned dress and Thursday I was back at mom's trying to finish the dresses (In case you're wondering, I basically threw up my hands in the air and begged, pleaded and cajoled mom while acting like I wasn't begging, pleading or cajoling to just finish the dresses already, I'm done with them) And then I wondered why my three-year-old was acting so attention-deficit. Hmm.
But I still have stuff to do. I'm not one of these moms whose life revolves around their child's happiness. I don't want to have a list of 50 things we can do every day to provide my child just the right amount of stimuli. I am still old school enough to believe that boredom is good for a child and they can figure out what to do on their own. Now granted, I did buy a toddler/preschool program to use, but I bought it for the sole purpose of being intentional. I knew my tendency to push teaching, push projects aside in the interest of what was easy and so I try to force myself to go through the lessons. And even so, I still cheat sometimes. I'm quite convinced that we do not need 13 colors of homemade playdough sitting around in my cupboard and I also know that we do not like their ideas for popsicles, but otherwise I try to do the lessons. But even that, I need to be more diligent about because it's easy for me to push it off if she is playing nice. And while I don't know that there is anything wrong with it, my making myself do the lessons, I am committed to spending quality time with her. But, after all that, where is the balance here? I don't want my kids to grow up thinking it's all about work.
But can I make work intentional? How do I remember to notice the little things? I think I won't forget, but two hours later when I'm trying to tell D, I can't remember anymore. I do remember that she thought it would be perfectly fine for her little 8 month old brother to wash her dirty feet. And by washing, she met that he would do what little boys do and put them in his mouth. I don't understand, but I'm okay with the fact, that her sticking her feet in his face makes him laugh, but that is going one step too far, when you acknowledge your plan of action for when he gets crabby. But, then again, do I remember this, because soon, everything will be ick and get your dirty, smelly feet that just came out of the shower, out of my room.
I have no answers, only questions and wonderings and ponderings. We have discussed it and we do plan to do some fun things for the sole purpose of making memories. But here is the one thing I have to remember, my intentional does not have to look like your intentional. We are different, our children are different and I am doing myself a huge disservice to compare.
And now, I should either get off the "creeber" or go work on the other three blog posts that are brewing. And continue to live with my eyes wide open, to try to capture the beauty that is now and not wish for the beauty that is out there and might never come.
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