Fierce Marriage by Ryan and Selena Frederick

Radically Pursuing Each Other in Light of Christ's Relentless Love

Foreword by Gary Thomas

Fiercemarriage.com for more info

Another marriage book you might say. And yes, that is exactly what it is. But every marriage book I have read has a new or different slant or a different way of saying things that brings out a point in a way that makes you go, ah-ha. And this book really was no different.

I wouldn't say this book had as many ah-ha moments for me as some do, but there were definitely things that made me stop.  For example, on the chapter on Dealing with Discord there is a subheading called "Fight Naked". Now that will make you stop for a second. But there are two elements here, one truly is fighting naked. They would say it's one of the best pieces of advice they ever received because it's really hard to stay mad when you are naked. It just makes me laugh to think about trying to argue like that. But the other thing is the intimacy level. In a marriage your desire is to know your spouse like you know yourself, but when we fight our defences go up and we put "armor" on. To fight naked is to allow yourself to be seen for who you really are and to see the other person for who they really are. This can lead to a much deeper relationship. "It's an intimate, trusting exchange."  You see the other person the way God sees them and you determine to love them faults and all, just like God does. So while the mental image is really funny, there's a much deeper depth to it than physical nakedness.

One of the other things that stuck out to me in this book was the thing of asking questions. Regardless what the question is, ask it. It's how you learn to know your spouse. One example they gave was, who would you most or least like to get stuck in an elevator with? Just random questions, but they can also lead to some great conversations. I just really liked this idea. We have been married for only nine years, but it is easy to think you kind of know what you need to know and if you don't know, it doesn't really matter and all conversations have to be deep, heart things, when in reality these questions allow you to continue to explore and get to know your spouse.

Other areas were explored like time and priorities, sex and intimacy, and how our marriage is to be a reflection of Christ and the church and a way to reach out to the world around us, a commissioned marriage, a place for our children to flourish, God's family is strengthened, and communities are reached. Marriage is about so much more than me and how I am affected. And that is always good to remember.

I received this book from Baker Books and was not required to give a positive review.