Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Two poems

It might appear that I am on a grief kick again and maybe I am, but I don't think you ever really know when grief is going to hit.  For instance, I came home from work today feeling good.  I opened the TLC (Together Learning to Cope) newsletter and read two poems and they both made me cry.  And I want to share them here.  I don't expect everyone to be able to relate to them or to even appreciate them, but they touched me.

Before that though, mark your calendars: October 15, is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day and if everyone would light a candle at 7PM on that day and let it burn for at least one hour, there will be a continuous wave of light over the world on that day.

Strength by Terry Jago

In the early days of my grief,
A tear would well up in my eyes, 
A lump would form in my throat, 
But you would not know-
I would hide it.
For the strong do not cry--
And I am strong.
In the middle days of my grief, 
I would look ahead and see that wall
That I had attempted to go around
As an ever-present reminder of a wall yet not scaled.
Yet I did not attempt to scale it.
For the strong will survive--
And I am strong.
In the later days of my grief,
I learned to climb over that wall step
by step, remembering, crying,
And the tears flowed steadily as I
Painstakingly went.
The way was long, but I did make it--
For I am strong.
Near the resolution of my grief,
A tear will well up in my eyes,
A lump will form in my throat, 
But I will let that tear fall
And you will see it.
Through it you will see that i still hurt
And I care--
For I am strong. 

Broken Dreams/Different Me
(Remembering Kaitlyn Mae, August 17, 1990 written by Mary Updike)

I dreamed and waited for you for so long
    before you finally were a part of me.
The dreams I had for you were so much bigger
    than you would ever get to be.
You left before I even got a chance to tell you what they were.
I dreamed of seeing you grow and play and learn.
I dreamed music and dance lessons,
    of watching you play on school teams
I dreamed of mother-daughter outings and shared secrets.
I dreamed of confirmation, graduations, a wonderful career
    and someone special for you.
I dreamed of a wedding...and grandchildren.
And I dreamed that you would have made a difference in this world, 
    not only for me but for others.
And I would have been proud to have been your mom;
    but you never had the chance;
    and neither did I
Instead, you made a difference in my life that many
    people can't see or don't understnad.
It's taken a lot of time to feel happy again.
And sometimes, I'm still not
People who didn't know me still do not know me
    as I used to be; before you.
And now I know I'll never be like that again.
Not a day goes by that I don't think of you, miss you,
    and dream of what might have been for you.
    ...and I miss the me I used to be. 

1 comment:

  1. Thank you, Aurelia... I found comfort and strength to keep scaling the wall (after miscarriage) today. I appreciate your open journey here. Learned of your blog from your sister, Vivian.
    Brooke Brubaker


A Rumored Fortune by Joanna Davidson Politano

A hidden fortune, a supposedly dead man, and a new vineyard manager all greet the hurried return of Tressa Harlowe back to her estate in t...