Bless the Lord, Oh My Soul

It's been two weeks now, since my mother-in-law passed away. In some ways, it feels hardly that long and in other ways, it feels like a lifetime. It's hard to believe life was normal only three weeks ago. We were planning a Valentine's supper and just enjoying life.

Yesterday, in church, our pastor talked about this Psalm: Bless the Lord, Oh My Soul.  How do you bless in the midst of bereavement? How do you see gratitude when all around it feels like grief? Is it easy? No, but it is vitally important. Have I attained? Not even close.

But I think what our Sunday School teacher said yesterday also applies to this: when you get into a negative spiral, things go south in a hurry. Everything starts looking bad, everyone is out to get you, and nobody can do anything right. But if you start looking for the positive, the same thing can happen in a positive way. Things can start to spiral upwards and you start seeing good in the midst of pain and sadness.

And that is what I want to focus on today: the blessings of the last two weeks. Now, this is not to say, I do not grieve or that I am callous. Yes, my tears have been few (and that's another subject), but I recognize their has been loss. But in the midst of that loss, I/we have seen huge blessings that we know is God looking out for us.

1. Close family. My husband's family has always been close and this has cemented that bond. Lesser things can take backseat when battling the reality of death. Family is such a blessing.

2. Church community. The funeral director and his wife from the church there were amazing. Every day, Mrs was there doing laundry, helping with the children, cleaning up after meals, offering a listening ear, getting us cookie butter because we just needed some, fulfilling every need as best as she could. The Mr did so much leg work for us and helped us organize and move forward with the viewing and funeral. People brought in meals, came to visit, babysat, gave baths to the kiddos, cleaned the houses while we were at the viewing, etc. etc.   And my church at home blessed us with a beautiful bouquet of flowers. Several have given cards, brought food, gift cards, toys, and so many texts. Two couples showed up for the funeral. We are so blessed.

3. A spiritual legacy. We could pray and sing together. We had assurance that we know where Mom is. This isn't a hopeless grief, this is an active, hoping grief. We know what to do to see Mom again and that is just a huge blessing.

4. So much safety. There was so much travel and after a car accident, you can tend to be on high alert, but God was faithful. Even though we drove through the night and all the next day, I'm not sure we fought sleep that bad. And we were both able to rest while the other was driving, which doesn't always happen. On top of that, the gas smell coming from our truck was a sign of things going south in the fuel pump department and we were able to take care of that before we left instead of getting stranded enroute home. That was a blessing.

5. The prayers of people. About Thursday or Friday, I realized that I hadn't been praying, at all. You prayed for Mom's life to be spared and once you knew she had passed, it was like I shut down and went into shock and survival mode and other than the public prayers, private prayer was nonexistent. Yet, through it all, I didn't doubt that God was with me. I know His people were interceding and lifting us up, even when I was zoned out.

6. Jesus wept. That brings me to a conversation I had with my brother that long week. Look at Lazarus' resurrection. Why did Jesus weep? Wouldn't you think He would have been laughing or at least silently smirking, thinking you guys have no idea what I'm about to do. I'm going to raise this man back to life and your tears will all stop. But no, Jesus recognized the pain around Him and He wept. When we wonder where God is in the midst of pain or trauma, I know where He is. He's right there in the trenches with us and, while I know this might not be theologically sound, I think He's right there and wiping a tear away right with the rest of us. The Bible says He is touched with our infirmities, so there you have it. What a blessing to have a God who walks right beside us in the journey.

7. If you only knew. In the same conversation with my brother, he brought up the Samaritan Woman at the well. We think we know that story, but he pointed something out to me I hadn't seen before. Jesus, at one point in the conversation says, "If you only knew who it was..." Let's stop with the first four words, "If you only knew". If we could only get a glimpse of who God is and what He is able to do. Those four words can apply to so much about Jesus. If I only knew what is awaiting us as Christians, how much more would I be doing? If I only knew the abundant life Jesus wants to give me as I delve deeper into His word and grow stronger in prayer, why wouldn't I be studying so much more? If I only knew... and we know so much more than the Samaritan woman did and yet we fight against it and don't claim it.  What a blessing to have a God who knows and who wants us to know Him. (Disclaimer: I may have butchered up the ideas that was given to me, but this is what I gleaned from that conversation.)

Where to from here? With all these blessings, am I not held accountable for what I do with them? I knew my mother-in-law for about 9.5 years. She blessed those around her. Her grandchildren loved her. She made friends wherever she went. She would do anything for you. She still patched her daughter's children's pants (That's love right there), replaced zippers in coats, (Even deeper love there), made quilts, hosted the school teacher, and served food to whoever needed some. She lived in more pain than I think about anyone knew, but she didn't let it get her down. The week before she died, she was sick in bed, but that was an extremely rare situation. She had some Stoltzfus snip, but underneath it was a heart of gold. I didn't always see it that way at the time, but that had more to do with my own perception of life than it did with mom's responses.

And most important to me is her and dad raised a son who I love dearly, a son who is infinitely patient with me, a son who loves his family unconditionally, who comes home at the end of the day and picks up the pieces that have fallen apart when I'm sure he would rather shut down and relax. She raised a son who is friendly to everyone, sees the good in almost every situation, challenges me to accept people for who they are, loves God and wants to serve Him.

And now it is time for me to try to carry on the baton. No, I am not a true daughter, but I have seen and heard enough and been blessed enough in the last two weeks by the example of servanthood I have seen from Mom and from her friends and family that I have no excuse. I want to be that kind of a blessing to those around me.  I want to carry on her legacy. I need you to hold me accountable.

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