Thursday, February 11, 2016

Longings of the Heart

I'm rereading a book called "Longing for Paris" by Sarah Mae.  It's a good book. I did a review on it earlier.

I've come to realize that while I have the desire to do right and to do good things, I still have a carnal nature to fight against.  I am longing for a deeper relationship with God. I want to know Him more. I want Him to control my life, to direct my thoughts, and to be the central Person to my world. In my heart, I know that is the only thing that will bring me true peace and that will enable me to live my life in a loving, gentle and kind way.

I struggle with being kind and loving and caring and all other good characteristics!! I know, that's a real news flash, especially to those who live close to me. But I want more.

The chapter I was reading this morning talks about her longing to know God more, to meditate, to feel His presence. I don't want to infringe on her copyright, but I want to share a few things that spoke to me. Some I will say in my own words, but this paragraph I want to share verbatim:

"When we look for Him, pushing all hindrances aside; when we aim for and keep our eyes on Jesus, letting nothing compare to Him, then I think we will be fully made available to Him, for Him. And we will change the world because God needs available people to be devoted and dedicated, laid open and vulnerable before Him so that in our weakness He is made strong. His power will come through us, and we will be able to do real Kingdom work, the kind that urges us out of our comfort zones and ourselves. We will be available to be completely used by Him."

She goes on to quote A. W. Tozer who says this: "Let the old saints be our example. They came to the Word of God and meditated. They laid their Bibles on the old-fashioned handmade chair, got down on the old scrubbed wooden floor and meditated on the Word. As they waited, faith mounted. The Spirit and faith illuminated. Their only Bible had fine print, narrow margins and poor paper, but they knew their Bible better than some of us do, even with all our modern 'helps'."

This is what I want, to really know God, to meditate on His Word and to seek Him. But there are so many distractions.  How do you separate them out and go away from them? Even things that can potentially be good like reading. Sarah says that reading is a good hobby but if I am spending all my time reading books and thus avoiding God, then it is a distraction. How do I get away from these distractions?  One thing I have done and I know it has been helpful for me is to stay away from the computer until after my devotions. I used to go on the computer while I drank my coffee in the morning. You know what happened? Of course you do. An hour quickly went by and soon I would be hearing Amber stirring. Oh dear, I have to quickly read my Bible and have my quiet time before I go get her. And then prayer was pretty much non-existent.

But I still get distracted. The computer might have the screen saver on with pictures from the last 8 years that can distract me. My phone is still beside me with my apps playing. Yes, I try to avoid them and for the most part I do, but still they can distract me if I allow them to. I want to be intentional. One thing I learned this weekend is that I must Must MUST spend time with God. I must allow Him to direct my life. I don't want to get caught in this rut of being easily offended, snappish and awful to the people around me. I must allow God to fill and use me. I must take the effort.

And there you have a piece of what this book is doing to my heart. It did this the last time I read it and I hope it can be more of an ongoing thing and not die as soon as the book is finished, because it truly does express what my heart so desperately needs.

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