Gravel Road Musings

First off, let me start by saying thank you to those who took the time to comment, facebook message me or text.  I really appreciated it. There's one thing I didn't mention on my last blog post because we didn't know for sure and now we do and my mind's in a while once again and I want to say, "Really God? Don't we have enough right now?" But I guess not and it hurts so deep and so raw and how do you grieve one more thing. But yes, it's true: my oldest sister has officially been diagnosed with breast cancer. I'm not going into a lot of details on this blog, likely never will for two reasons: one, we don't know much yet and two it's her story to tell. But I will beg and plead for prayers for her that she could be healed and for her husband, her children, her siblings, and her mom as we try to make sense of the "evil" that has invaded our family and as we try to figure out how best to help and I don't even know how to reques...

Okay, let me start by saying I still believe in God. I know He is powerful and all-knowing and caring, but.... as one of my friends said, sometimes it feels like we are just pawns in His hands and He just does with us whatever He wants. And yes, I know that the bad things are more a result of the curse and living in a sinful world that doesn't honor God, than it is God wanting to hurt us. I got a text back the day Cheryl died that said something to the effect that God must see great potential in me to be putting us through these tough times and right now I would like to say, "God, I'm maxed out. There is no more potential to be sucked out of me, so could you please just let me be now?" I know I should pray, but I feel like what's the use?  I prayed that Dad's surgery would go okay and his heart stopped on the operating table. I prayed that he would wake up and instead his brain waves went flat. I prayed his heart would stop before we had to make the decisi...

I am a Dee Henderson fan.  I think she writes a good, captivating story. There is normally romance mixed in, but I don't consider it the predominant feature. This book is the story of a girl who was kidnapped at age 16 and escaped 11 years later. Shannon was a remarkable girl in that she dealt with her captivity by developing and maintaining a strong faith in God, journaling, and developing her photography skills. She didn't attempt escape earlier because she didn't want to cause another person to die which is what would have happened. Shannon chose Matthew to be her guide to settling in to the real world again as his daughter had also been kidnapped and recovered. The romance aspect was Shannon was pretty determined to date Matthew and he was equally sure that while he also wanted to date her, he thought she needed to wait and work through some of her issues first. The book had a good flow to it; very little edge-of-your-seats drama, but captivating all the same. I...

"make 3 months of homemade purees in 3 hours" Ahh, the inspiration this book incites.  Some people think I'm a little nuts for being excited about starting Amber on baby food and while it makes me a little sad to think of her growing up so fast, it makes me excited to move her on to the next step.  I have about 3 more weeks to wait because we all know that 3 months and 29 days is too early to start them on food, but 4 months is the perfect time!!! Anyway, this book has inspired me to attempt making my own baby food. I was planning to anyway, but this book breaks it down into recipes so I can know how to steam the veggies/fruit and also gives some combination recipes for mixing two kinds of food together.  The author also recommends really branching out in the food categories: kale, quinoa, beans, etc; things I wouldn't have thought to give a baby.  Two features I really like in this book are: a breakdown for how to cook the food in 3-1 hour increments and the se...

Inspired by Jeanna Young & Jacqueline Johnson Pictures by Omar Aranda This is a children's, I would specify girls, activity book. Age range is 4-8. From what I have seen, I would think this book goes with some stories about Princess Charity because there really isn't much of a story line in this book, but it looks like fun.  There are reusable stickers. I was a little disappointed that there weren't more places in the book designed to hold the stickers.  I remember as a little girl having sticker book and they were so much fun.  There are 50 stickers, but I could only find designated places for 4 of them.  There is a spot a word page, a maze, a color by number, a dot-to-dot, etc. I love the looks of the book, It looks bright and clean and so inviting.  It made me want to do the coloring myself.  Like I said there's not much of a story line, but you can gather that the authors are Christian simply by the use of the names. Princesses Joy, Grace, Ho...

I'm just going to openly plagiarize here for a bit. I think the hardest part of losing someone isn’t having to say goodbye, but rather learning to live without them.  Always trying to fill the void, the emptiness that’s left inside your heart when they go. "We're not necessarily doubting that God will do what is best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be." C.S. Lewis. Remembering precious lives...a beautiful little girl, a young mother and her newborn, and a wonderful grandfather...all lives that once were and thankfully, 'forever more will be' just not here and with us. Death has a way of raising real fear and some hard questions that trite 'cliched' answers won't fix. Lord, breathe your peace over us all please, in the name of Jesus  ‪#‎ FlorenceMarigoldinBloom‬   Heather Dawn Kuhns These quotes stuck out to me when I read them this past week. I could expound about each of them individually, but...

A Journey from Fear to Faith This is the story of a man with a lot more courage than I have ever possessed.  He looked fear in the face and seemed to laugh at it a lot of times.  He lived in the Middle East for about 11 years. He wasn't afraid to ask the Imam if they could host meetings in his mosque to talk about Jesus. By saying his talks were about Jesus and not Christianity, he was able to open many more doors than he would have otherwise.  But he did mention that he had to learn about Jesus and who He really was to be able to really talk about Him. Carl spent some time in prison, he was kicked out of the country of Lebanon, but he wasn't afraid to keep going forward.  If he felt God was calling him to do something, he said Yes and then jumped in with both feet. He admits you can tell God no if you want to, but what will happen is you will eventually stop hearing God's voice and you can miss out on some grand opportunities. While I wish the book would h...

This was a chick flick; one I think I decided I wouldn't really like before I started reading it. Not a very good way to start a book, but my perspective did change a bit with reading it. After the events of the last couple of weeks, having a light book that required no deep analysis or applications to my own life was nice. The story line certainly wasn't very real to life in my mind-- stranded on an island with the boy you thought you hated, but of course fell in love with. The island just happened to have been the place of a new resort that was wiped out before opening by a hurricane, but which just happened to have lots of canned food so survival wasn't a real issue there. Of course, the bad guys were also using the island and the rescue was touch and go as the plane was shooting at Summer and Bray and the helicopter was returning fire.  But of course, they were rescued alive. But we can't stop there-- there always has to be another girl that comes on the scene...

Today is Monday. The company is going home, but the real work is only beginning.  Even for me, I am able to go home and somewhat forget about the events of the past two weeks. But mom? She is faced with it every day, every evening when Dad's little white truck doesn't come rattling up the driveway, she is reminded that this is the new normal.  That breaks my heart.  To go to family dinners and Dad's seat is empty; his chair sitting unused in the living room, those are the things that drive me to tears much more than the well-wishers of the past few days.  Don't get me wrong--I appreciated every one of you, but my tears had left me. I felt dry-eyed and numb. But now?  I don't know.  Life goes on and we find a new normal and as Dan preached yesterday, we will try to learn to fly again, but until that pray for us, especially Mom as she is the one that has to face this the most head-on of all of us. I love you Mom and I'm sorry Mother's Day was not so happy...

Amos Mast Visitation & Funeral Visitation; Bratley Funeral Service 15571 W Co Hwy B Hayward, WI 54843 2:PM to 4:PM Saturday 5:PM to 7:PM Saturday Funeral; Hayward Wesleyan Church 10655 Nyman Ave, Hayward, WI 54843 Visitation 1:PM Funeral Service; 2:PM Gravesite Service; Northwood Mennonite Church 14547W Cty Rd K Hayward WI 54843 Meal served at Northwoods Church afterwards

Dad passed away peacefully this afternoon about 2:05.  Viewing and funeral on Saturday and Sunday.  Details to follow.

Yes, it's me again asking for prayer again.  Dad is being anointed this evening at 6:30. I firmly believe God is ABLE to heal; I struggle with the faith to believe that He will heal. I want Him to very, very badly.  We are asking that, if you think of it, to pray for Dad this evening at that time and any other time you think of it as well!! Dave and I were talking about Dad's prayers on the way home.  He often started out his meal prayer with "Our gracious heavenly Father, we come before you this...(often a little pause as Dad tried to remember which meal he was praying for) :) :)" I would give so much to hear Dad pray this prayer again.  As someone else pointed out, Dad's prayers had a lot of "We thank you for..." and right now, I'm thinking that would be concluded with "all the people who are praying for us." In other news, Dad seems to be doing much better today physically.  He does have an infection, but they are hoping to get some ...

What a day!!  Really the last few days have been a roller coaster of emotions.  Yesterday wasn't the greatest day for Dad, but to be honest I somewhat distanced myself as Dave and I went to Cheryl and Bentley Burkholder's funeral.  To those who there and asked about Dad, I apologized if I seemed rude, but it was too much to talk about at the moment. Hope had been diminishing over the previous couple days and it was hard to talk about. Let's recap today.  Today started very early for us. I got a call from the hospital at 2:49 AM saying Dad had made some changes during the night, his oxygen sats weren't very good, his blood pressure was dropping and his kidneys seemed to be failing.  They thought we should come.  So those of us who were at the motel went in right away with Darryl & Ruthie, Dave, Dorothy and Ross coming as soon as they could.  Dad was stable when we got there and over the next couple of hours, his oxygen got better and his kidneys...

Just a quick update on Dad.  We continue to wait and watch and see.  Those are the words of one of the medical professionals that was in to see Dad today.  That is really all I have to say.   We continue to covet your prayers and we hope desperately that Dad will wake up, but until then we wait.

Good evening, I know we have sent a few random updates throughout the day and we are grateful for all of your prayers and support.  Tonight is a bit more of an in-depth story of what happened today. We started wandering over to see Dad this morning a little after 7.  I had called at 6:30 for an update and they said that Dad was doing fine, but his sedation medication had been turned off at 3:00 this morning and he wasn't waking up.  Darryl's went to see him first and he seemed stable, but when Mom, Vivian and I stopped in a little later, the nurse didn't want us talking to him or touching him or anything.  His blood pressure was quite high and she was trying to get it lowered.  We left and returned for a few minutes at 10:30.  Dad was still not responding and while they weren't terribly concerned yet, they were getting concerned. I called back around 1 and they were now concerned.  They sent him for a CT scan of his head to see if they could detect...