Motherhood is....Series, part 3

 Motherhood is Trust

I lined them up on the porch steps to capture the classic first day of school picture. Amber beamed with the enthusiasm of a first grader and Logan stood reluctantly beside her unsure of what all this meant. (Trust me, the excitement was definitely more prominent than this less than stellar picture portrays) And I cheerfully snapped the picture and excitedly sent her off to her first day of school. And no, I am not the mom who escorts her child in to her classroom and gets her settled in. That had happened the evening before and quite honestly, my daughter is entirely too independent for that. She will go in by herself, thank you very much.

But this first day of school is just one more area that moms are continually having to choose to trust. I have to trust that she is ready, I have to trust that we taught her enough to get by. I have to trust that she will make friends, not be bossy, play nicely with others, eat in a somewhat respectful manner, and a host of other things. I have to trust that she will be safe, that her teacher will be kind to her, that her dress will not rip, and on and on it goes.

From the time the two lines show up on the pregnancy test, trust and anxiety war with each other for my heart. Will this baby live? Will she be healthy? Will he grow and thrive? Will she hit the developmental milestones appropriately? Will he ever learn not to tease his sister to tears? Will she ever learn to quit crying over nothing? Will he ever learn to play by himself while she is at school? And the most important question of all, will they grow up to love and serve Jesus?  

And there's the questions I ask myself: am I being a good mom? Am I on my phone too much? Was I being intentional? Did I overreact in that situation? Did I put them first? Should I have made her eat more carrots instead of giving her a granola bar? Should I have read that extra story at naptime? Am I being a good model of what it means to follow Jesus?

All these questions can pile up on my head and threaten to push me under. But I have a choice here, I can be anxious and drive myself crazy with all the what-ifs or I can choose to trust my children to God. My job on this earth is to guide and direct my children to the best of my ability. I will make mistakes. I will choose my computer and my Christmas pictures over my daughter's painful throat and I will feel shame for that decision. I will be on my phone and feel guilty for wasting time. I will sit down and read multiple stories. I will support the teacher as she tries to teach my daughter to be neat and obedient. But there is forgiveness for my mistakes, there is grace for my failures and there is rejoicing when I feel like I did make the right choice.

But ultimately, I must trust. My children will make their own choices as they grow older. I can guide them, I can direct them now. I can force them to conform to my standards and my rules, but as they grow older it is their choices that will determine their destiny. And that is downright scary. It is not something I can control. It is not even necessarily reflective on how I parented. I can read all the stories and do all the traditions, but, in the end, my children will need to make their own choice to follow God.

That terrifies me and I must remind myself not to worry, not to be anxious, but to trust in God for their future. He knows what it will be. He knows the decisions they will each make and I am not going to help matters by worrying. The most important thing I can do right now is to pray. Pray for them every day. Pray for them when they can hear. Pray for them when they are struggling. Prayer is my best weapon for the world they are being thrust into.

And so, to all you other moms, I just commend you for being a good mom, for doing your best, for loving your children. But as you release them into each day, say a prayer for them. Pray that they will be the people that God has created them to be. Prayer will get you so much farther than any anxiety ever will.