grace like Scarlett by Adriel Booker

Grieving with Hope after Miscarriage and Loss

Let me start by saying I recommend this book to everyone who has lost a baby, whether through miscarriage, stillbirth, infant death, failed adoption, etc. This book gives you permission to grieve while also pointing you very strongly to one who will comfort you in your grief. I need to start carrying sticky notes with me when I read books like this so I can mark sections that speak to me. So often when I go back to find them, I can't find them anymore or they don't stick out to me like they did.

There were just so many things in this book, I could resonate with. Having lost three babies as well, so much of what she said resonated with me. I loved that they named their babies, that they took the time and effort to find out whether they were boys or girls, and most of all, that they allowed themselves to grieve. So often miscarriage, especially in years gone by, has been such a hush hush thing. Nobody talks about, you are just supposed to go on with your life as though you just lost your favorite hanky or some other trivial treasure.  But the truth is, you have lost your baby. No, you maybe didn't hold him or her in your arms, but you were holding them in your heart. Even if you only knew about it for a few days, dreams were being formed for that child. They changed your view of the future and when they slip away to Jesus, those dreams are lost and your life is once again altered. This doesn't even take into consideration the physical changes your body goes through in losing a baby, at least in miscarriage and stillbirth.

I just appreciated the way Adriel was honest about her own journey, her own losses. She grieves, but not as a mom without hope. She knows we were made for more and she knows her babies are already there, but the truth remains, as her husband said, "I don't want her to be in heaven...I don't want Jesus to look after her. I wanted us to look after her."  I can so say Amen to those words.

We know there is a better place coming, but listen to what Adriel says we do in this "in between" time. "We participate in the new creation now by living into the kingdom, setting our eyes on things above and things around us, and allowing the Spirit to heal us as we work together to see the whole earth healed and reconciled unto Jesus. We embrace our belovedness and give ourselves to love others even while still being healed ourselves. We bake the casserole. We write the bereavement card. We open our doors. We share our stories...We worship while we weep. We rejoice while we give thanks....We dive deep and then resurface, transformed and transforming." And that's one piece I want to take with me. While there is no right or wrong way to grieve, reaching out to help the next hurting person helps us to heal. I fail in this too many times and it's something I want to work on.

At the end of the book, there are a couple appendixes. One is ways to remember your baby, one is ways to help a friend who is hurting and one is a letter to the dads (who are so often missed), written by Adriel's husband, and a couple other ones too.

At the end of every section, there is a journaling prompt too, to help you process even more fully. I didn't do this, but I can totally see how helpful it would be, especially with a recent loss.

I received this book from Baker Books and was not required to write a positive review.