Friends, Partners & Lovers by Kevin A Thompson

What it Takes to Make Your Marriage Work

I like to read a few marriage books a year. I think it's good to do that. Books can give me a fresh look at marriage and inspire me to try harder to be the wife that my husband needs. I often am revived and ready to go the second mile after reading a marriage book.

I often say this too, but this was one of the best books on marriage I've read. I thought Kevin had a different look at marriage than a lot of marriage books do. Maybe it's just the stage I'm in now, but I just really enjoyed the book and may have quoted from it to anyone who would listen.

There are three aspects to being married, according to Kevin. You should be best friends, not exclusive friends, but best friends. This is the foundation in my mind. You love to be together, to do things together, to have fun together. You are also partners: Partners in raising a family, maybe in running a business, financial partners. There has to be a level of trust here. And then you are lovers, referring to the sexual aspect of marriage. If you are good solid friends and partners with a deep level of trust, the lovers part will be fulfilling and lots of fun. Kevin gave a three hour talk once on marriage where he spent most of the time talking about the friendship aspect. Afterwards in the Q&A session, one person went off about how important sex was to marriage and they couldn't believe that Kevin would spend three hours talking about marriage and never give serious consideration to sex. After this introduction, the question was what the biggest misconception about sex is. Kevin's answer? "The biggest misconception about sex is that a three-hour talk about friendship in marriage is not a direct discussion about sex."

One of the first things that stood out to me in the book was this quote:"Knowing our spouse isn't our soul mate allows us to expect problems. We aren't surprised by frustrations. We understand differences. When we fight, it doesn't cause us to wonder if we married the wrong person. We know it is just part of marriage. The great challenge of relationships is not to find the one person created specifically for you. It is to pick someone and work at the relationship to such an extend that eventually you feel as though there could never be anyone else for you." I love that. It's all about choice. Marriage takes a lot of effort, but if we are aware of that and willing to do our part, it is a beautiful thing.

On June 6 of this year, it will be nine years since our first date. Has it all been easy? No, we have faced things as a couple in those nine years that I wouldn't wish on anyone, but would I change what we have? Absolutely not. When you get married, you chuckle to yourself when people say it gets better because you can't imagine it getting better. Now having been married 8 years, I look back and chuckle at the people who are starting to date because you know it does really get better. And while there's a twinge of jealousy because you know the fun times to be had in dating, there is a level of security and comfort that comes with time that you don't have when you are dating. And I can only imagine another 8 years will have me looking back and chuckling again.

So, if you are looking for a good book on marriage that is easy to read and enlightening and encouraging, pick up a copy or if you live close to me, I might let you borrow it. Or if you are getting married, I might even get you a copy.

Kevin blogs at www.kevinathompson.com 

I was given this book by Revell Publishing and was not required to write a positive review.