Three Months

The fake flowers lay on the ground, their petals definitely dirty and shabbier, but still there.  Still giving a little life to the otherwise brown and muddy ground.  Obviously they do not make good deer food as the deer pellets laying all around would indicate they may have been sampled.

The tiny little mound indicates that life has moved elsewhere. There is only a shell in the cold, muddy ground, the real life, the real beauty is up above singing with the angels.  Maybe in some way this is like a seed.  For a seed to produce a beautiful flower of lovely fragrance, it must lay in the cold, harsh earth.

Nicole's life is so much better than it would have been had she lived.  She is now living the life she was made for--eternity with Jesus.  No heartaches, no longing for something more, no grappling with the questions of life.

I have to keep this in perspective--it helps a little, I think. From the words of a song I have really come to love:
"Waiting here right now, Lord, it seems so hard to do.
Longing just to hold her as other mothers do...."

That is pretty much where it is at right now.  Knowing that the time is coming closer to when I could have wrapped her in my arms and held a screaming, squally red-faced baby the ache grows deeper and the longings stronger.  But I know my little girl is being held in the arms of Jesus and His arms are the best of all and I need to rest in that fact.